I'm realizing what I'm going to miss because of my actions.
I'm realizing what I've done to hurt you.
I'm realizing that I made you scared.
I'm realizing that I did this.
I'm realizing there is no fix.
I'm realizing there is no time machine to take it all back.
I'm realizing I knew I was wrong.
I'm realizing I did it anyway.
I know what I did was foolish.
I understand now that it was careless and thoughtless.
I know that it could get worse.
I'm mad that I'm not allowed to do what I want, when I want.
I'm mad that I'm mad about that.
I'm mad that I like alcohol, some people don't, why do I?
I'm discovering that I'm very sad, and very lonely inside.
I'm discovering that my sadness overwhelms me to confusion.
I'm sad that I don't have love, but I do.
I'm sad that no one likes me, but they do.
I avoid being close to people, in any meaningful kind of way.
I'm full of hype and am always a let-down.
No follow through or completion.
I say that but reflect on what I have accomplished;
and also what I've just thrown away.
I threw away you, and I never meant to.
I never wanted to, just the opposite.
You are the dearest thing in my life, however expendable it seems
by the whim of one drink. One careless decision.
You caught me and I knew, it was all over.
By the look on your faces I broke your heart, I broke your trust, and I broke your life.
Again.
I don't want to be that person. I want to be your mommy, forever.
And I will be.
In my home where you are safe, and comfortable, and always free.
But right now, I've broken it.
Again.
No comments:
Post a Comment